The Knick Knack Nightmare Read online

  Kaila squinted at him and waved her hand from his head to her chest. “He’s right. You’ve grown a couple inches.”

  “Don’t be silly. I’m the same handsome guy. Four feet whatever inches tall.”

  “Don’t you know your own height?”

  “It’s never mattered. Not to me, at least.”

  “She’s right. You are taller.” Emilia turned to her sister. “Show him again.”

  Kaila waved her hand from his head to her chest. Her hand touched higher than before. “Arvin, you grew another inch.”

  “Ouch!” Arvin yelped and looked at his shoes.

  “What now?” I asked.

  “My feet are growing.” Arvin hopped from one foot to another. His laces tightened and stretched, squeezing his expanding feet inside his shoes. “Perry, you promised. It hasn’t even been a minute.”

  “Yeah, I need to stop doing that.”

  “Geez. I’m going to pop.”

  “I doubt it. But let’s get going before you grow out of your Dragon Sorcerer underwear.”

  “Shhhhh! Don’t tell.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Geez.”

  A pair of double doors stood between us and freedom. We kicked the handles. Outside chains rattled like the ghost of Christmas Past, but the doors were solid steel. They weren’t going to open for a bunch of scrawny kids.

  Emilia looked around the room. “Where’s the emergency exit? Perry, do you see one anywhere?”

  “There.” I pointed to EXIT glowing in thick back-lit letters on the wall above the redwood cross section. “Unless there’s another door, we’re stuck in here until someone lets us out.”

  Arvin tapped my arm.

  “Ouch! Not so hard.”

  He was eye-to-eye with me now. His clothes stretched over his body, pulling apart at the seams. His fancy, leather jacket tore at both shoulders. “Do you remember what my mom told yours about baking?”

  I rubbed my new bruise. “Label the sugar and salt?”

  “No. The other thing.”

  “Learn the basics before you poison us.”

  “Something like that. She said, ‘Don’t reinvent the wheel’.” He pointed to the cross section.

  “What are you suggesting?”

  Arvin skipped to the redwood. “Do you think it’ll roll? Once it’s out of the way, we can go through the emergency exit.” He wedged his fingers between the wooden slab and the door. It was something to see. Arvin’s face turned red and his hands shook as he grunted, pulling with all his strength. “This would go a lot faster if you three stopped gawking and helped me.”

  We tried pulling and pushing, begging the wood to teeter and roll. But the thing weighed a ton.

  “Let’s go back.” Emilia took a step toward the second floor stairwell.

  “We can’t go back.” I said. “Knick-knacks are probably headed here already.”

  “Can’t go back. Can’t go forward. The exit’s blocked. What’s left?”

  Arvin glanced at the high ceiling. “We go up. Or at least I do.”

  “You got a rocket, do ‘ya?”

  Arvin scowled at me. “Just give me the coin.”

  “We already tried. It won’t do what we ask.”

  “I don’t plan on asking for anything.”

  Arvin squeezed the wrapped coin. I thought he was about to say something to it, demand it perform magic and help us escape. Instead, he charged the humming metal mushroom.

  “Arvin, don’t!” Kaila shouted.

  He punched it Muhammad Ali style.

  In a flash of blue lightning, Arvin slid sideways across the floor, toppling a family of stuffed beavers in the corner. We ran across the room and helped him to his feet.

  “Did it work?” He flipped his hands over and back and examined his limbs.

  “Yeah. You’re a ginger bowling ball. Congratulations! Give it back before you kill yourself.” I took the coin away from him. For good this time.

  “That was stupid,” Emilia said. “You could’ve been killed. Then where would we be?”

  Kaila smacked Arvin on the back. “Don’t you ever do that again.”

  Arvin grinned and held up his hands. “I won’t have to.”

  He grew right in front of us. His hands inflated, toes popped out of his shoes, and socks unraveled. His sweater ripped across his chest and his leather jacket split in two. His jeans zipper broke, and the silver button shot across the room. It pierced the metal mushroom, silencing the hum. His dragon sorcerer briefs were the last to fall away. In the course of an hour, Arvin had grown from a dwarf to a regular sized kid to a giant. My waist became even with his knees and my eyes level with his — man parts.

  Kaila gasped. “Arvin, you’re naked.” She covered Emilia’s wide eyes with her hand.

  Arvin winked. “Oops.” His voice dropped two octaves as the word came out.

  I looked up to his face, blocking the lower view with my hands. “Stop showing off. Do whatever you were going to do and let’s get out of here.”

  Arvin swaggered to the redwood cross section, gripped the edge, and pulled. Nothing. He tried again, grunting and growling. Nothing. Not a centimeter.

  “Eight feet tall and still not enough,” he said, panting.

  “Even giants need help sometimes.” Kaila led Emilia, and Emilia led me to the slab. “You two push from that side. We’ll get this one.”

  We pushed and pulled. The cross section teetered forward and rolled back.

  “More!” I pushed against the slab. My sweaty palms skidded across the rings, leaving a streak from 1611 to 1979.

  The giant wooden wheel rolled off the platform, down a short ramp, and crossed the floor, trailing reddish bark over the painted atom. It crashed - BANG - into the exit doors, busting one off its hinges, snapping the heavy chains outside. The redwood wedged itself in the doorway, leaving a gap wide enough for a slender fly to buzz through.

  Arvin scrunched up his mouse-sized eyebrows and sucked the air between his teeth. “At least we got the front door open.” He pushed on the emergency exit handle and ducked under the frame on his way out the door.

  We crossed the glistening parking lot toward the Shelbyville bridge, counting painted white stripes as we ran. I had counted two hundred when explosions and high-pitched pops echoed across the parking lot. Two glowing rockets exploded above the skywalk, showering the mall with green and blue sparks.

  “Those are mine.” I stopped to catch my breath. “They’re setting off my fireworks.”

  Emilia gasped for air. “At least they’re busy.”

  “Be right back.” Arvin ran to a flagpole at the center of the parking lot, removed the rope and pulleys, and detached the Shelbyville City Flag from its clips. He pulled the red flag up between his legs, tied two corners on his left hip and two on his right, and wrapped the rope around his waist, securing the flag and giving my sore eyes a break. “I hope I’ve stopped growing.”

  “Me, too,” Kaila said. “I mean, I like you either way. You’ll always be a giant to me, but I was afraid you’d never stop.”

  “Now that I’ve been a giant, I’d rather be a dwarf.”

  “I prefer the shorter, less naked you, too,” I said. “But then again, you could be the Jolly Green Giant’s red brother. I bet they’d let you sell beets if you wore that diaper.”

  Emilia kicked my shin.

  “What? He knows when I’m kidding. If he were a real giant, he could carry us all the way to my house.”

  Arvin’s voice rumbled, “I can use the coin to—”

  “No!” the three of us shouted.

  Windows rattled, and fireworks shot through the skylight. “Do you think Mom’s in there?” I asked Emilia.

  “Kaila I saw at least a hundred people get locked up, but not her or Ms. Pewter. I'm sure they made it to Nelson.”

  “I hope so.”

  Emilia leaned into me. She smelled like the air after a storm. She squeezed my arms and whispered into my ear, “There are more than a hundred oth
er people trapped in there. My parents, too. You said it yourself, we need to go.”

  A police cruiser - siring wailing, lights flashing - crossed the Shelbyville overpass and pulled into the parking lot. It stopped, turned off the siren, and headed our way at a snail’s pace.

  “Thank God. We could sure use the help.” Emilia’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that look? What did you do?”

  “Nothing. Well, nothing much.”

  Emilia crossed her arms. “More secrets?”

  “It’s not a secret. I mighta’, sorta’, kinda’ stole those M80s and some other stuff.”

  “I thought so.”

  “You did?”

  Her mahogany eyes searched my face. I saw myself reflected there. Matted hair. Bags under my eyes. Dirt and worse smeared across my cheeks. She seemed to look right through me. “Dad once told me, if you keep too many secrets, they end up keeping you.”

  “Keeping you?”

  “From people who want to understand you, help you - if you let them.” She walked away.

  What about her secret? I ran up behind. “Can I ask you a question?”

  She kept your eyes focused on the cruiser. “What?”

  “Why’d you tell Double D you’d go to the Harvest Dance with him?”

  “Derek wouldn’t stop bugging me. I told him I’d think about it so he’d leave me alone.”

  “When I went to find you, I saw the plane ticket on your mirror. It was one-way.”

  “Did you even bother looking behind the first one? There was a second ticket. A return flight from Hawaii in December.”

  “I don’t get it.”

  “My aunt asked me to help take care of grandmother for a month. Dad bought one ticket, and my aunt bought the other. Believe me, nobody in Honolulu wants to visit Saint Paul in winter. It saved Dad a lot of money.”

  “But why you?”

  “Mom and Dad can’t get off work and Kaila has a class trip right after the dance. I asked Arvin to hold off so I could tell you myself. And I would’ve on Tuesday, but I never got the chance.” She cleared her throat. “You asked me to trust you. How about trusting me? You could’ve told me about the coin and all those places.”

  “How did you find out?”

  “Arvin told Kaila at some pool house make-out party more than a month ago. And she told me.”

  “And Kaila believed him? You believed him?”

  “We thought it was one of Arvin’s bad jokes. It it had to be. It was ridiculous. But our knick-knacks attacked, and then you and Arvin showed up at the mall. The coin piece in your pocket. It all fit. I knew you were keeping a secret, but I never thought you’d keep one that big.”

  “If you already knew, why are you mad at me?”

  “Because you said nothing. Not even a hint. Not for a year. All you ever do is stare at me and count my freckles. Even after today, you’re still trying to hide things. Well, your secrets are out, and they’re trying to kill us.” She turned to go.

  “Wait.” I grabbed her arm. “I won’t let that happen. I’ll try harder. I promise.”

  “Didn’t you promise Arvin something a few minutes ago? How many promises have you broken today? Two? Three? A hundred?” She jerked her arm away. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

  She saw it in my eyes - the secrets I was keeping from her. She didn’t have to say it. I knew it. She knew it. To her, they weren’t stupid, little secrets. Something so important couldn’t be. They were lies, and I was the liar. I had spent so much time convincing everyone how nice and brave I was, trying to play hero, I forgot the bravest action is telling the truth.

  Emilia, Kaila, and Arvin stood outside the cruiser’s window. I assumed they’d be in the middle of fantastic story when I walked up. I’d have to play it cool. “What stores?” I whispered under my breath. “How can we help you, Officer?” They stood dumbstruck, staring into the window, not at a policeman, but at trolls. Trolls bouncing on seats, sliding down the seat belts, crawling in and out of the glove box, pushing buttons, turning dials, and a stack of them pressing the pedals, feet on shoulders leading up to my little friend with the frizzy, purple hair at the wheel.

  “Oh, hi.” I waved.

  Arvin stood knee high to the car window. “You’ve met these things?”

  “Sure, we go way back.” I gave the troll two enthusiastic thumbs up. “We’re great friends.”

  “Should we run?” Emilia stepped back.

  “Relax guys. Hey, little trolls. Can you give us a ride? It’s important we get to my house right away.”

  “I don’t think these guys have a driver’s license,” Kaila said.

  “Neither do you.”

  “I have a learner’s permit.”

  “You crashed the student car three times.”

  “I’ll take my chances with them.” Emilia smiled at three pink trolls pressing their chubby faces against the rear window.

  I nodded at Arvin. “What about my friend? He’s too big to fit in the car.”

  Purple troll pointed up to the car roof. Trolls in the rear piled into the front floorboards, leaving the back seat empty for the three of us.

  “Sounds good,” Arvin climbed onto the roof, “but tell Purple to take it easy on the turns.” He laid on his stomach, chin touching the top edge of the windshield, feet hanging over the trunk. His pinkie toe rubbed the bullet hole. He gripped both front doors through the windows. “Ready when you are.”

  The rest of us squeezed into the back seat. The door slammed shut as the cruiser peeled out, tires screeching, toward Garden Glen.

  “No. No. No. Not the mall. I said my house. That’s Shelby Lane and third.”

  Brake pedal trolls pushed, and our chauffeur jerked the steering wheel. The cruiser spun 360 degrees on the wet asphalt and came to an abrupt halt, headlights pointing at the exit. Kaila hit her shoulder on the passenger side door. I hit mine on the driver side, and Emilia elbowed my ribs. Several odd sounds came from the trunk.

  “What was that?” asked Kaila.

  “That was awesome!” Arvin shouted from above.

  “Not the u-ey. The noise. Don’t tell me you didn’t hear a thumping sound.”

  Muffled screams and two loud thumps came from the trunk. Kaila and Emilia looked at each other. Purple troll gave me a thumbs up in the rear view mirror, and I knew.

  “Kaila, Emilia, Arvin. Meet Officer Larkin. Officer Larkin, meet my friends.” I thumped the back seat, and he thumped back.

  Kaila and Emilia screamed as the cruiser sped away at 120 mph.

  TEN

  The cruiser sped and swerved going over the Shelbyville bridge, and I wondered, If a car goes 120 up a hill, will it fly? The answer was yes - but not for long. The underside of the car sparked on the asphalt, followed by the rear bumper and my kidneys. Purple troll turned left at full speed. The rear bumper tumbled across the street, hit a fire hydrant, did a somersault, and impaled someone’s plush lawn chair. White stuffing blew across the dead grass. Arvin’s leg slipped over the side but quickly recovered.

  Muffled screams and two loud thumps came from the trunk.

  “Sorry, Officer Larkin. I hope you’re okay back there.” I grinned at Emilia.

  “He’s been kidnapped and stuffed in a trunk. How would you feel?” She elbowed me.

  “Ow! Why did you hit me?”

  “Oops.” She looked out the window. “It must’ve been the turn.”

  “Arvin!” Kaila yelled over the wind buffeting through the windows. “Are you all right up there?”

  “I’m getting queasy. Can you tell them to slow down?”

  I tapped the driver seat head rest. “Not so fast, Purple.”

  Purple troll slammed on the brakes. The tires screeched, and the cruiser skidded to a halt in the middle of the road. It inched along, rolling under the idling engine’s power. Several buzzing flies passed through the front passenger window, out the driver’s side, and flew ahead of the cruiser.

  I grumbled, “It’ll take forever to g
et home this way,” and knocked on the roof. “There’s only two choices, guys. Pedal up or pedal down. Which do you want?”

  “Pedal meet metal.” Arvin wiggled his fingers and tightened his grip.

  “Kaila? Emilia?”

  The sisters held hands and nodded.

  I tightened my seatbelt and slapped the headrest. “Push it, Purple.”

  The troll gave us a thumbs up in the mirror and pointed to the trolls at the pedals. Officer Larkin’s cruiser rocketed ahead at Mach 1, merging my heart with my spine. Blazing fast, the cruiser turned onto Riverside Parkway and fishtailed, pulling us left. It jumped the grassy median and continued in the oncoming lane toward downtown Shelbyville.

  More noises came from the trunk.

  “Sorry, Officer Larkin.” I thumped the seat and snorted, holding back a laugh. It had been a while. If Mom were here, she’d lecture me about how disappointed she felt to see me laugh at Officer Larkin, gagged in the trunk, hands tied behind his back like poor Mr. Thompson. I felt a smidgen of guilt, but we were driving on the wrong side of the road. “Hey Purple, we drive on the right in the USA.” I pointed to an iridescent white rectangle. “See. Wrong Way.” The cruiser jumped the median and ripped a dead juniper out of the dirt.

  THUMP THUMP

  “Sorry, Officer Larkin.” We smiled and laughed. Emilia covered her mouth. Good for her. With a little luck, that’d be the first of many laughs and the beginning of forgiveness. As for Officer Larkin being tossed around like a salad, Percy was my name. Percy from Manitoba.

  A hundred homes and storefronts flashed by the windows. Hop and Shop’s doors were broken, shattered glass swept in a neat pile to one side. I leaned my head out the window. “Arvin, was that yours?”

  “I was hungry.” He chuckled. We passed a dozen more shops and stores, their doors shattered, glass swept into little piles. “That one. Not that one. That one. Not those two. That one. Those two.” Officer Larkin’s estimate didn’t account for half of Arvin’s spree.

  “Geez, Arvin.”

  “I got thirsty. Besides, I left some money so it’s not like I didn’t pay anything.”

  Leave it to Arvin to do the right thing, but forget the biggest part. “What about the doors?”